i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
