I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
