OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
