From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
