What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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