she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
