you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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