If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize