Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
whose parrot is this?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
