imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
