I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
