i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
