Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
