i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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