mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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