he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
