I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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