Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
