He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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