Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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