Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
