i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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