i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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