i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
