I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
