also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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