TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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