I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
