I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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