Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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