his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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