It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
