Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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