I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
