You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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