I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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