There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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