I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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