I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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