I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
