Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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