That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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