gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize