why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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