They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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