so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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