I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Randomize
