apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize