She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
