I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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