Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
