Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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