This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
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If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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