i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
