He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
