here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
