You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.