Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do

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(518): View more from New York

he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(305): View more from Florida

Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."

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(905): View more from Ontario

Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.

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