I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.