I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.