dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
