So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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