i just had sex bonerless
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
