I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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