I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
